My Darling
by Daktasinsanity
Summary: Levi mourning after his lost lover.


**AN:** This one-shot is inspired by a song_ Missä Muruseni On_ by _Jenni Vartiainen._ I wrote this quite a while ago and it's been sitting on my hard drive ever since. Just never felt right to post it and probably never will.

**My Darling**

Night fell as I sat on the edge of my bed. I had gone through old pictures. I had not noticed the time fly by as I relived my past again, feeling all those lost feelings, laughing at the long-lost jokes and feeling sad because nothing was the same anymore. My heart was heavy with emotion as I walked to the balcony of my apartment. A picture in my hand I stood there, listening to the leaves on the trees rustle even though there was almost no breeze.

I looked at the picture in my hand, there was me with a really handsome friend. His brown hair and striking turquoise eyes were recognized by anyone. He had a smile blasted on his face as he was hugging me close. Oh those times when we were together. They were full of joy. We had no worries after the war. Nothing to darken our future. Or so we thought.

_At night I went again_

_To sleep on the balcony_

_So that closer to him I'd be_

The night was chilly. I went to get myself a blanket so that I could sit out the night. I sat down to a wooden chair and enjoyed the creaking sounds it made. Holding the picture close I looked at it again. He looked so innocent in it, full of life. I sighed as the tears tried to over take me. I would not cry tonight. I wanted to remember the good memories. Not the bad ones. Not the ones where he was sick, where he was dying and there was nothing I could do about it. I took a deep breath and calmed myself.

_From my bed the sky is visible_

_I began to wait_

_That I'd see a shooting star_

I looked at the starry sky. It reminded me of a movie he once showed me. It was some cartoon that had three friends looking up at a starry sky and one of them said that the stars were the souls of the people already passed. I thought then that it was full of crap but now I wished it was true so that I could always see him and be with him. I smiled to myself. How silly of me to even think of that. If we became stars after death the sky would be a lot fuller of them, right?

I wanted to believe in it but that was not something I could take comfort in. I wanted to believe that he was out there as a spirit of some sort. I wished he was here with me even if I would not be able to see him. Just knowing he was there would be better than anything.

_They say, if you notice a star falling_

_You can wish for anything at all_

When I was younger I never thought there was anything that I would need to ask for. That I would not be one of those people who pray up to the sky at night and want their wish to come true. As if to mock me I saw a star falling. Against my nature I wished for something and that is to see him again. If only he would be here with me. If anything was possible, if there was a way to make one wish come true, mine would be that one. I'd give anything to have him close by.

_At night I whispered_

_A request up to the sky_

_I hope it'd get windy soon_

I listened to the sound of those trees again. It was too quiet otherwise. I did not want to go back inside into the quietness of my apartment. It made me weary just being in the silence for too long. I looked at the photo again and remembered all those times his laughter would fill the silent moments. When I'd do or say something funny, he would laugh at me but it was not the malicious kind of laughter. Never. He could not laugh at someone just out of spite. Not at me at least nor did I ever witness him doing so to anyone else.

_Wind blow to where my darling is_

_Play a moment with his hair_

_Tell him of my love_

_Tell him how I miss him_

_Tell him I still wait for him_

I loved him more than I had ever loved anyone. He came into my life unexpectedly and changed everything. He changed the way I looked at the world. His presence alone was enough to change that. I had not been selfish before I met him but he was the only thing I was selfish about. I did not regret it. It was not my fault that he fell sick, no one knew why or how. We suspected it to be because he was not originally a titan but a mere human, artificially made into one. Maybe the transformations took a toll on him, maybe not. I'd never know. He's not coming back no matter how much I miss him, no matter how much I love him, no matter how long I wait.

_It was calm last night_

_But soon enough_

_Wind breathed and I felt_

_Someone move nearby_

_Touched my cheek_

_On my skin I felt a familiar hand_

There was a gush of wind, making the leaves rustle with the sudden occurence. I felt a breeze on my skin, touching me gently as if there was an actual person running their fingers on my cheek. The air cradled me in its gentle arms, making me feel warm even if it was cool outside. I gasped softly as I was sure I heard my name carried on the wind towards me. It was as if he was here. I felt the same warmth, the same calmness I always did when he was near. I let a smile tug at the side of my mouth as I relaxed against the chair.

_I didn't hesitate anymore_

_Knowing that I could_

_Fall asleep like a small child_

I closed my eyes, enjoying the warmth I was enveloped in. I was at peace and even looking at the photo didn't evoke the sadness in me anymore. I knew that some day I would join him. We'd be together forever. Some day I'd see my beloved Eren again. The tender brush of a wind on my skin lulled me into sleep.

_Air that we both breath is same_

_And the ground under our feet is the same_

* * *

_**Missä Muruseni On**_ by _**Jenni Vartiainen**_

_(Where is my Darling)_

At night I went again

To sleep at the balcony

So that closer to him I'd be

From my bed the sky is visible

I began to wait

That I'd see a shooting star

They say, if you notice a star falling

You can wish for anything at all

At night I whispered

A request up to the sky

I hope it'd get windy soon

(chorus)

Wind blow to where my darling is

Play a moment with his hair

Tell him of my love

Tell him how I miss him

Tell him I still wait for him

It was calm last night

But soon enough

Wind breathed and I felt

Someone move nearby

Touched my cheek

On my skin I felt a familiar hand

I didn't hesitate anymore

Knowing that I could

Fall asleep like a small child

Air that we both breath is same

And the ground under our feet is the same

* * *

**AN**: I realize that the song doesn't necessarily speak of death but that is how I imagined it the first time I heard it. It's as if the person doesn't want to acknowledge that their lover is dead but comes to accept it in the end.


End file.
